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nikalicious9
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Name: Nik
Country: United States
State: Ohio
Birthday: 3/26/1982
Gender: Female
Interests: kasey kahne, rocket science, sexy men in uniforms, nascar, reading, shopping, talking, ME!
Message: message me
Member Since:
3/11/2005
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| man, being a parent is a lot harder than i ever imagined. every day, there are a million decisions to make and they are a lot more complicated than just "what should she wear today?". we have had to research so many things i would have never expected: car seats for babies under 5lbs, the effects on the retina from a ventilator, different bottle nipples, and never even mind making the decision whether or no to breastfeed. i get really sad when i hear other moms talk about breastfeeding. we took so much time and talked to so many doctors about my medications i take before deciding that it would best not to and i always second guess myself. the doctor was willing to help me through pumping and dumping as they call it so i could switch the medication to something safer but i have had a lot of success with the current medication. i know that its whats best for the baby: a less anxious and less depressed mom but i always feel sad and wish i didn't have to make this decision. every time she cries out in hunger or because she is really gassy (probably from the formula), i want to cry. she has only been home for a little over a week and i know it will get easier (especially after i dry up) but its still really hard.
she is a really good baby but has her days where she is super fussy. those days are like today.. and i haven't even taken a shower even though we are both home with her. i don't know all the secret mom tricks.. like running a vacuum. the sound helps soothe them. we are learning as we go. we know that she will grow big and strong with us doing our best and loving her as much as we do. its amazing how silly you feel when you are such a typical snarky brat saying things about her changing my life and how i get so happy and so proud when she turns her head on her own.
being in the nicu was the hardest thing i have ever had to deal with in my life. i cried and cried when i found out i had to be induced due to pre-eclampsia because i knew she was tiny and needed more time to grow instead me. she is doing very well considering she is 5 weeks old and still supposed to be swimming inside me. the call that she was on a ventilator was so hard to hear. it was so hard to see. i was still recovering from my delivery and my bedrest and was very very weak. i had been on in bed literally for days with a cathetor so i wasn't even getting up for the bathroom. she was so tiny and needed so much help from the nurses and doctors. there was nothing we could do to help. she was 3 lbs and 7 ozs and 16" long. i will never forget seeing her for the first time. she was somewhat blue and they rushed her off to be cleaned up and to get some oxygen. i don't even remember breathing until someone told me she was okay. we weren't able to hold her for days. it broke my heart. getting released from the hospital and going home without her was just terrible. on the bright side, i was able to get some rest and heal a bit faster than i would have with the late nights and such but i would have rather had that for sure. all the times her moniter went off as she was learning to breath on her own and her heart rate dropping or her oxygen levels going low were just horrible moments. waiting and worrying all the time if she will be able to breathe on her own soon was gut wretching. the day she was first able to breahte on her own without any oxygen at all was one of the best. i was so proud. i was bursting with pride every time she made a step forward. she did not have a lot of setbacks in the NICU and we know we are lucky. seeing other families go home on moniters or feeding tubes and us going home without really was a stroke of luck. you don't get to pick if you get a baby that takes longer than others to learn how to eat or breathe. she has continued to show signs of reflux but its a very common issue with babies, not just preemies. she just spits up a bit more than a "normal" baby. its okay, we are all messy in this house. looking over at her sleeping in her bassinet right now is just amazing.
joe is so good with her. he was just beaming with pride when she was born. she looks a lot like him. she has dark hair and a teeny dimple in her chin. she has beautiful full lips and i couldn't be happier for her. she is already on the chart height wise so we know she has the probability of being tall. they are so cute together when they cuddle. i mean don't get me wrong he has had his moments of frustration with her too where he has had to leave her with me to go take a shower and relax (so have i for sure!). he already is asking if ever someday i might want another baby. (yeah not until he finishes grad school, thanks).
while getting pregnant was very easy, being pregnant was not. high blood pressure and gestational diabetes really threw me for a loop. it was hard being pregnant and having to watch so many things all the time and having to be at home with my feet up so i didn't have to deliver her any earlier than i did. i spent so much of it with weekly appointments while many pregnant women get to go a lot more than that in the first 2 trimesters. i never got to the big ol' belly stage between my early delivery and being overweight. with that, i never got a stranger comment. we also had to cancel my baby showers because i was in the hospital the weekend they were supposed to happen.
its hard not to be able to take her to stores and stuff yet because of all the germs. she is almost 6 weeks old and a lot of people are already taking their babies out to stores and resturants. we take turns running errands so we both get out of the house at least once a week.
i cannot wait to find a job; its the only way we will not have to live with my parents when we move back to cincinnat in may. the job market is shit right now and its even harder now than ever for someone with a crappy resme to get some decent work. i am lucky one of our friends is dating a headhunter. i am really hoping she comes through fast so we can move straight into a townhouse. we found a great one that we want but sadly they don't accept cosigners on leases. otherwise we would be going straight there jobs or not. joe is going to be going back to school in august and won't have to be on campus much so he will be home with audrey and his mom will watch her when he has to go to campus. i am not looking forward to being the primary breadwinner, especially because i wanted to be a stay at home mom but i know that joe finishing his phd is whats best for the future our family. (ugh i sound so grown up when i say stuff like that!). i guess being a parent does change everything and with that i am off to feed my little girl a bottle. god bless her preciousness!
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| i am so frustrated. i feel like i am constantly surrounded by idiots and need to double check everything they do or say or advise to me. i am shocked this child and i are still alive considering the stupidity of every medical person out there. i have to double check anything my doctor's nurses say with real research on the internet. i have to make sure everything is okay on my own with the insurance company. nevermind double checking the drug interactions of every single thing every doctor wants to cram into me. yeah the iron supplements can possibly reduce the effectiveness of my fucking blood pressure medicine. oh really? thats neat. i am glad i looked up that up MYSELF on the internet especially since the iron pills are just over the counter. nevermind the nurse at the OB is all "well you should just do hwatever and whistle a happy tune between now and your next appt". umm really. no thanks. how about you let me speak to my fucking physician? of course the pharmacist is all well your different doctors shoudl know all your meds. yeah give me a fucking break. its not my FUCKING FAULT the sleep doctor moron did not look at my chart after reviewing my iron levels. she knows all of my medical condirions,all about my pregnancy and definitely about all the medications i am taking. ugh what a fucking waste of money that sleep doctor was. i am sooooo glad i had a four thousand dollar sleep study done to get a blood test to have slightly lower than normal iron levels and get put on iron medicine without the fucking moron checking my other medications. they are going to get a fucking piece of my mind tomorrow. seriously, i dont have a medical degree but i am smart enough to plug 2 medications into walgreens.com and read the results of the interactions. i hate stupid ppl. i fucking hate all of their idiotic asses. bull shit they are here to help us. they are just here to get some fucking money from ppl like me that are trying to take care of themselves as best possible. fuck it. i am so fucking done with all of these morons. | | |
| I'm happy to announce that I am 9 weeks pregnant today! I am due on April 29th and things are looking good. I had an ultrasound at 6 weeks and saw its teeny heart beat. we fell in love immediately with the human bean! Holding this secret in is the hardest thing I have ever done. We are keeping it on the DL on facebook/myspace until my mom tells her BFF that i have on there as a friend. UPDATE: yeah we are telling ppl now so feel free to yack away, ladies. we will not hear the heartbeat until late october so no real news lately except morning sickness. | | |
| people are insane. this show is so icky. apparantly these ppl make money off taping their kids for tv. the mom is so farking mean. ugh. whhaaa why them? uhh maybe bc they took a bunch of fertility drugs knowing what it can do! blah! yuck! makes me sick. | | |
| what to post about? we have an exciting "away" weekend planned for the beginning of november. we are driving up to chicago, going to the northwestern v. ohio state football game, and going to see wicked on broadway (pending ticket purchase this friday). i am really excited. since joe doesn't have any PTO, we are just trying to make the best of our weekends. we have 4 weekends between now nad the end of sept that we are going home, all for other people's wedding showers, parties, and weddings. i guess i am just at the age where everyone seems to be getting married. i finally finished reading housekeeping. it was not that great. joe had a really nice birthday. i got him guiter hero for Wii. he loves it. i haven't played yet as it looks super hard for someone like me. i am playing dr. mario like it is going out of style though. i made his birthday dinner tonight: BBQ pork chops, scalloped potatoes, brocilli and cake with ice cream for dessert. it was super yummy. i still haven't started my excercising. blah. i stink. there is always something else that needs to be done! *eyes overflowing dishes*. i like watching the olympics. its fun. its weird though how they were talking about the smog there in beijing. sounds super gross to me. i think that is all i got for now. goodnight! | | |
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